is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
