this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Randomize
