hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
