Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
