so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
No subtext here. People are naked.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
