I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
