im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
