this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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