My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
