i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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