The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
