??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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