You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
