Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
