Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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