Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
