Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
