Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize