i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
