The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
