The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
