I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
there is puke in my bra ... again
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
