It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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