My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
