I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
