he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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