I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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