she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
