i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
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