Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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