talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
