I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
