I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
