bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
