How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Small penises have feelings too.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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