if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
