good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
