If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
