hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
