I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
