We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
