A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
