Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
