So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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