i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
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