Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
