You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
