saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
You can't motorboat a personality
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
