and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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