so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
